do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
