Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
