we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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