sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
