he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
