Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
