i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
