After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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