What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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