Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
