Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bring me that man meat
i now understand why vodka
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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