Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
