It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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