This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
