Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
