You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
