I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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