Swine flu. Run for my life!
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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