Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
how drunk are you?
Several
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
