Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
