I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
