In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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