I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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