Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
