Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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