can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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