I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Two words: nipple clamps
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