A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
