I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
