But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
