Don't make out with my wife yet
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
