i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
