hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
