im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
