I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
