dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
