Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
