Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
