Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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