I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
