I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
