He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
