If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
