I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
