you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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