Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
