cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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