he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
