my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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