Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
