My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
