we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize