saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
