dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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