I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
