I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
