I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
