Im at strip club and am horny
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
