is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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