Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
