Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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