god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
